Client: Wanda is a 14-year-old transracial adoptee. Through domestic infant adoption, she was placed with her current white adoptive family. Her biological mother identified with an Ethiopian background, but no more details were provided during the adoption planning process.
Presenting Concerns: Wanda’s city is somewhat racially diverse, but still considered predominantly white, and Wanda regularly experiences racist interactions at school. She does feel safe in her adoptive family, but she’s also concerned about growing further apart from her biological family and their culture. Wanda tells the counselor she feels as if she lives in some kind of “in-between” world. She’s afraid she’ll feel even more disconnected from people, even in conflict with her parents if she explores more about her Ethiopian heritage. But, ignoring doesn’t quite feel authentic or satisfying either. She doesn’t know what to do and is desperate for some kind of relief.
Dialogue 1: Unhelpful Therapy Session
Therapist: So, Wanda, you’re feeling a little torn about your background. Why don’t you just pay attention to your life here? You’ve got a loving family, good school. Why focus on things you can’t change?
Wanda: But it feels like this huge part of me is missing. I see pictures of families where everyone looks like me… and I wonder what that’s like… even what it would have been like. And then at school… well, it’s hard. You don’t even wanna hear the things people have said to me.
Therapist: Hmm, I think you need thicker skin. Doesn’t everyone have to deal with challenges? It’s about grit, and resilience. Keep your eyes on the positive, don’t let the bad stuff keep you down. Look at this worksheet of unhelpful thinking styles. You’re really lucky to have a family who’s so supportive. Think about that.
Wanda: But it’s more than just trying to get over the racism. It’s like, I don’t even belong here in the first place. I’m not even welcomed here. Like I’d be better off just hiding away somewhere. And sometimes it all just makes me so angry. At myself, at the whole situation.
Therapist: Anger points to immaturity and can really cloud our judgment. Why don’t we focus on minimizing that anger? Would you be willing to fill out a thoughts and feelings log before our next session? Here, let’s say it together: “I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough.”
Wanda: (Quietly) But it doesn’t feel true…
Therapist: Just believe it. It’s all about positive affirmations.
Cam Lee Small, MS, LPCC 