…and yet adoptive parents get to do this work? Lead the way? Write books, speak and train, trusted as experts on adoption, influence policies along with directing national and international adoption agencies?
It’s not my job to respond to comments like Craig’s [it’s not the first]. And.
Some research shows that relationships thrive when positive messages and interactions occur with a 1:10 ratio.
As in, for every negative/disconnect experience, there ought to be ten positive, connective experiences.
Adoptees often have a conflictual relationship with the world because the ratio of encouragement is disappointingly counter to what cultivates safety and security.
The message I received from a fellow adoptee on the final slide helps inspire and motivate me to keep cheering for adoptees to speak. “Thank you” doesn’t even begin to describe what it means to receive such a testimony from another. Flames are fanned and our hearts are warmed. A sacred kinship happens.
I entered this vocation believing that it’s typically adoptees who do the best job cheering for other adoptees. So far, I haven’t been proven wrong.
In a strange way I’d love to see that change?
Because 10:1 in the direction of pain seems to capture it right now. But I believe a stronger, more secure relationship is possible.
My heartfelt gratitude to those willing to help us look for it.
See full story at the CBS website: https://www.cbsnews.com/minnesota/video/bloomington-man-helps-people-through-adoption-trauma/
ps: this post isn’t about “Craig” – it’s for fellow adoptees and advocates – colleagues and peers in the profession of helping – scholars, researchers, practitioners, creatives, elders who’ve been challenging the status quo for decades, younger siblings who are just getting started – and for any adoptee any age who has ever been on the receiving end of such a response to your storytelling. You’re not alone.
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